Who Is A Mentor?

Why did I single out this subject? Because mentorship is extremely valuable and beneficial to our community as well as to ourselves.

After the lockdowns began to ease last year, I took the opportunity to travel more. And as I met with people on my travels, I was amazed by how open they were about their experiences (post-COVID). How willing they were to share their struggles over the past couple of challenging years. And their propensity for change, for new and fresh experiences was contagious.

Exchanging ideas with the head chef at L’Italien in Marrakesh.

During these encounters, I detected a common theme - that people want more out of life, now, more than ever. Their interest is evident by their questions, willingness to listen, and a clear desire to learn and be developed. They are certainly more in touch with and quite outspoken about their desire to grow.

Essentially, we all crave more mastery in our specific areas of interest. And, deep within each of us is a yearning to give back from what we have received. To some degree we all want to make a difference in our society and are looking for help to be pointed in the right direction.

As you can probably tell, I am a great proponent of mentorship. Whether formally or informally there is always a place and time to mentor or to be mentored. I count it a great blessing to have been mentored by some fabulous women over the course of my life, namely Julia (BSF), and Suzanne (PCC).

With the sous chef at Yannick Alléno’s Pavyllon in Paris.

And I have had some great conversations on the subject of mentorship, often challenging others to consider becoming a mentor. I feel that there are too few mentors for our younger generation. In most cases people just don’t know where to begin.

So, who is a mentor? And what is his or her purpose? Let’s hear from our community, and get their take:

Michele:  A person guiding someone younger in helping them to succeed.

Amelia: Candid and a good facilitator.

Steven: One who is prepared to do the work.

Barbara: An advisor who can help develop a strategy to handle obstacles.

Timmy C.: Someone who knows you are a diamond and helps you sparkle for yourself and to the whole world.

Charlie: Values diversity and understands languages.

Varsha: One who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself and helps bring it out of you.

Eric: One who is an ally but also persistent.

Hansa: Someone who helps you grow as a person and professional.

Sasha: A mentor is someone who can provide a network of likeminded people to learn from.

Seema: An experienced trusted person who inspires one to be the best version of themselves.

Joyce: one who will advocate for me.

Nancy: Someone who can brainstorm with me.

Meenu: Someone who first understands me then accepts me and finally takes on the role to build a successful me.

Pim: Who makes you feel comfortable to share your thoughts, one you can trust and look up to.

Mrs. Brown: Someone we admire, want to emulate, and one who can show me the light at the end of the tunnel.

K. Uttam: One who creates a relationship of trust.

Zack: A role model on a specific aspect of the mentee’s life. The mentor role may change according to the needs of the mentee.

Nick: One who has much integrity.

Rena: Brings cohesiveness in the relationship.

N.K.: Guidance and time provided by a friend or a guru to a junior, by building trust and modelling positive behaviors and ethos.

All of these responses are spot on. And the core ingredient to each response? Mentorship is relational. It is a communal act where one person engages with another to build that person up.

Brainstorming on nutritious food in schools with Chef Victor at La Forteleza, Cap Rocat, Mallorca.

There are numerous ways to think about who is a mentor: guide, coach, counsellor, advisor, leader, supporter, guru. But what constitutes true mentorship is time and attention.

I like to think of it this way: a “mentor” is someone who was meant for someone else. A person with something to share, who connects with a person who needs to grow into the person they were intended to be.

Some mentors are meant for the moment, some for a lifetime; some are meant to share one special thing, others are full of wisdom that needs to be shared. Regardless of the time and subject, a mentor is meant for someone in need.

So, where does one begin to “be” a mentor?

Let’s start at the very beginning. My go-to source is the Bible. It is replete with examples of mentors (good and bad). But of those that stand out, I consider how Abraham mentored Isaac on trust. Jacob mentored Joseph on instruction. Moses mentored Joshua, on wisdom and leadership. Elijah mentored Elisha on perseverance, strength, and communication. David mentored Solomon on judgement and courage. Barnabas was known as an encourager, and he mentored Paul on trust. Paul mentored Timothy on empowerment, effectiveness, and respect.

These were all wise mentors, teachers, who lived to serve. They may seem like famous figures, in positions of power and full of inherent qualities. But don’t be fooled. They were human beings and had hang-ups and issues, just like we have.

Also, notice that they weren’t mentoring “crowds” of people, but individuals. Where to start? Find one person who wants to grow. It is that simple.

Engaging conversations with a student at Royal Mansour.

Mentoring may seem like an exigent feat to attain. Intuitively, the possibilities for this challenge are certainly plausible.

It may appear a huge sacrifice to give up time and resources to mentor someone. However, the old adage “if we don’t use it, we’ll lose it”, still holds true. That know-how, ability, quality, experience or expertise that you possess is lost, if it is not shared.

Mentoring is about being available. Making youself and your gifts (yes, you have many gifts and talents), available to those in need.

What I cherish most about mentoring is what I receive in turn from my mentees, of the younger generation, whilst engaging with them. The returns are not always immediate but the stimulation, the “Aha” moments when comprehension of the subject matter has been digested, is the most rewarding.

Having gained a mentee’s trust, in due course, there is often a paradigm shift. I find them reaching out to me, wanting to schedule time to meet with me, expressing an interest in higher achievement. In turn, their genuine enthusiasm energizes me! Our relationships were and are reciprocal, ultimately satisfying. Iron sharpens iron!

On the subject of diverse cuisine at Jean-Georges Vongeritchen’s kitchen.

The art of mentoring necessitates the gifts of wisdom, patience, counsel, knowledge, fortitude, tenacity, kindness, and a heart of selfless service (seva).

Investing in people in terms of time, mutual respect, valuing boundaries, accountability, goals, and priorities help to cement the relationship between a mentor and a mentee. By not portraying some fixed ideology, rather helping to develop thinking as an innate part of their personality.

Offering constructive feedback is crucial for growth. Being optimistic can certainly be a driving force. Open mindedness, embracing cultural diversity are key elements of being a mentor. In other words, accepting people where they are and for who they are is foundational to mentorship.

There are many areas where we can give back by volunteering as a mentor or by training to be one. (There are plenty of resources available to train to be a mentor.)

I use my seva instinct to identify mentoring opportunities: 1) find commonalities in someone else, 2) engage in dialogue, 3) listen for opportunities, and 4) be available.

Christina, Executive Chef at Café Nordbo, Luxembourg.

I was favoured to meet a beautiful and talented young woman no sooner as I arrived in Luxembourg. Christina was also new to Luxembourg and she happened to be a pastry chef from London! After spending time discussing her background, and sensing the need for connection, I invited her for coffee.

We have enjoyed a great friendship together during the past two years committing ourselves to be available for one another.

There was never a “formal” agreement as “mentor” and “mentee”. I just made it my mission to pour out to her whenever and however I could. It was a joy for me, as I was able to watch her blossom. She was meant for me, as I was for her.

It is a beautiful thing to give back what we’ve been given. That is what mentorship is all about. So, if you haven’t tried it yet, go on, step out and discover who you were meant for.